EPISODE 1
On Coronation Street
Ken: I'd like to thank everyone for coming to today's street party. I hope that everyone has a good time
Mike: I'm sure they will as long as you keep your mouth shut Barlow!
Deirdre (to Blanche): It would be nice if those two could act nice to each other for once, wouldn't it mother?
(Blanche staring at Percy)
Deirdre: Mother?
Blanche: Sorry Deidre, what were you saying?
Deirdre: Never mind!
Percy: I must say Mrs. Bishop that I miss your cooking
Emily: Do you Mr. Sugden?
Percy: I regret moving out as a matter of fact
Norris: Well Mr. Sugden, you can keep regretting because I am Emily's new lodger
Percy: Are you, Mr. Cole?
Emily: I don't see why I can't have more than one lodger, you are welcome to move back in whenever you like
Percy: That is good news! (Norris annoyed)
At Rover's Return
Bet: It is with great pleasure that the Rover's Return re-opens under my ownership once again! (Crowd claps)
Raquel: This is like the good old days Bet
Bet: It sure is cock and I can see that I am going to enjoy every minute (to Natalie who is now the cleaner) How are you getting on with the toilets Natalie?
Natalie: Ok (Vera laughs) And what do you find so funny Vera?
Vera: I remember you thinking you were great when you owned this place and I was the scrubber, well now you are! Enjoy!
(Natalie annoyed)
Les: Jan, get us another pint for me and Greg will ya?
Janice: Who do you think I am, your flamin' servant?
Les: Yes I do! So Greg, what brings you back to Weatherfield? It's hardly that moany cow Sally Webster!
Greg: No way, I have had enough of her and her moany kids. When we were together all she ever told Rosie and Sophie to do was to go upstairs. They never stayed in the room for more than 2 seconds when we were talking! No wonder Rosie became a bully! I'm here to ask if I can stay with you and Janice for a while. I'm thinking of starting a new business but until then I need somewhere to stay.
Les: You're not thinking of going back with Baldwin. He'll never take you back after that blackmailing episode. Don't worry son, we'll put you up, you're always welcome in my house!
(Kevin and Sally enter)
Audrey: Well it didn't take them long to get back together. Alison is only dead a few weeks
Alf: Keep your voice down Audrey! Just don't cause a scene!
Kevin: 2 pints of bitter please Bet
Sally: Look at everybody staring at us
Kevin: Take no notice of them
Greg: Hello Sally
Sally: Greg! What are you doing here?
Greg: Don't worry Sally I haven't come back for you, I quite fancy that barmaid over there though
Sally: Raquel!
Greg: She's better than you and a hell of a better actress!
Curly: Before you enter into a relationship with her Greg I think that you should be warned. She has a tendancy to leave the country and tell you that she loves you, marry you and then run off on you.
Les: Well Curly, if she was married to you who can blame her!
Bet: That's enough Les, leave poor Curly alone
Curly: I don't need you to fight my battles Bet (Curly leaves)
Janice: I don't know how you do it Kevin Webster. Alison is barely dead and you're already back in bed with your ex
Kevin: It's none of your business Janice
Janice: Well I'm making it my business. I don't know how you can trust Sally after what she did to Danny
Kevin: What did she do to Danny?
Janice: She conned him out of his half of the hardware shop, the heartless cow!
Alf: Where are Gail and Martin tonight?
Audrey: Martin is working overtime at the hospital and Gail is looking after the kids
Alf: It's nice to see that Martin is working hard to earn extra money for the family, especially now that Bethany is on the scene
On Coronation Street
Roy: It is now time for the best garden award. All the residents of Coronation Street entered but I think that there can only be one winner and that has to be Mavis and Derek Wilton
Rita: Well done Mavis and Derek!
Mavis: Thank you everybody. This is a great honour indeed...
Des: Make sure that none of her plants are drugs like before
Derek: That was a total mistake, we took the wrong plant home from the alotment. It belonged to Billy Williams
Betty: Derek Wilton! How dare you badmouth my dead husband!
Derek: Sorry Betty but the truth hurts
Betty: And so will this (Betty slaps Derek across the face)!
Norris: That looks sore Derk!
Derek: Shut up Norris!
Hayley: I have to say that I think that the Platt's deserved to win
Roy: You're being very biased there Hayley, which is why I was picked as the judge and not you. I can be impartial
At Corner Shop
Jim: I must say Reginald that the shop is better under you than those dreadful Desai's
Reg: Thank you very much Jim
Maud: I even prefer you to that dreadful Fred Elliott
Reg: It's nice to know that I have been missed!
(Enter Fred)
Fred: Hello all! Maud! What brings you here? I say what brings you here?
Maud: Due to popular demand I am back Fred, those scriptwriters couldn't keep a good woman down!
Reg: You must be the legendary Fred Elliott
Fred: I am indeed
Maud: This is Reg, my former son in law
Fred: We both have that pleasure then. I was married to Maureen aswell
Reg: Were you really? For how long?
Fred: A few days until she ran off with Bill Webster
Reg: Bill Webster! (Reg starts laughing)
Fred: (annoyed) Well thank you very much!
Reg: (regaining his composure) I'm sorry Fred but you have to admit that that's very funny
Fred: Do you see me laughing?
Reg: At least I ran off on Maureen and didn't have her running off on me! (Continues to laugh)
Fred: Bring back those blasted Desai's! I say bring back those blasted Desai's
At Mallett's
Gary: Billy and Becky are asleep which means...
Judy: That we have some free time together
Gary: Let's make the most of it then (Start kissing and head for upstairs)
(Hilda and Stan enter)
Hilda: Well well, what have we got here?
Gary: I beg your pardon!
Stan: Your muriel is gone Hilda
Hilda: Is it? Oh that's dreadful! It's as dreadful as seeing these two engaging in hanky panky
Judy: Can we help you?
Hilda: The name's Hilda. Me and my Stanley used to live here years ago (Takes off her coat) Will I make us a brew Stan?
Stan: May aswell Hilda. I think we'll be around here for quite a while (Gary and Judy puzzled)
On Coronation Street
Blanche: Tell me Percy about your experiences in the war
Percy: Well....
Emily: Mr. Sugden and Blanche seem to be getting on like a house on fire
Deirdre: So I noticed
Ken: It's the first time I've seen the old bag smile
Deirdre: Ken! That's my mother you're talking about
Ken: I know and believe me Deirdre I could say alot worse than that about her!
At Rover's Return
(Mike and Linda talking)
Bet: How do you do it Mike Baldwin?
Mike: What Bet?
Bet: Most people would be right in thinking that you're over the hill but you keep defying the odds and landing yourself with beautiful women (Looks at Linda) Let me rephrase that, useful women
Mike: It's a Baldwin trademark
Linda: Are you jealous Bet?
Bet: No not at all. I had Mike a long time before you did!
Linda: Is she telling the truth?
Mike: She is indeed and by god was Bet Lynch a fine woman! (Smiles to himself)
Linda: I'm going home! (Linda leaves)
Mike: Linda, there's no need to get jealous
(Bet sees Linda leaving and winks at Mike)
Raquel: You're not leading Mike Baldwin on are you Bet?
Bet: I have no intention of getting up to anything with him Raquel. I'm merely teasing him
Vera: Natalie!
Natalie: What now Vera? I'm busy cleaning the dust in the cellar
Vera: I don't mean to annoy you but I have just been in the ladies and I have to say that you have done a terrible job
Natalie: What is so terrible about it?
Vera: I don't think I should tell you infront of everyone, it's best if you come inside and see (They head for the toilets)
Natalie: Oh my god, the place is full of pigeons! This is your Jack's doing isn't it?
Vera: Don't look at us Natalie, the awful smell must have attracted them!
Des: Pint please Raquel
Raquel: Coming up Des, how did the street party go?
Des: It was ok. The Wilton's won the best garden contest. I was a bit annoyed about that
Raquel: Why?
Des: I tried to poison their plants but it didn't work!
Natalie: Des, I'm glad you came in because I wanted to ask you something
Des: If it's about us getting back together you can forget it. It was bad enough that I was nearly killed by your son's drug dealing friends. Getting hit by a chair leg would have been a pretty lame way to go out. No Natalie, I'm sorry but I can see better looking things on the horizon. (Looks at Raquel) (Natalie nearly crying)
Vera: Hey Natalie
Natalie: What now Vera?
Vera: You'd want to pop over to the salon because your hair is awful!
Natalie: I didn't need you to remind me Vera but you see when you're a cleaner you don't exactly earn millions! (Everyone laughs)
At McDonald's
Jim: I got the milk for Morgan
Fiona: Well done Jim. You're certianly getting to grips with being a father figure to Morgan
Jim: You seem to forget that I have had plenty of experience with Steven and Andrew
Fiona: I was mad not to see how good you are for Morgan and I (Jim and Fiona kiss as Steve enters)
Steve: What a beautiful scene this is. Daddy and mammy playing happy families
Jim: It's not an act Steven, Fiona and I really love each other
Steve: Yeah right you do! You two sicken me and you sicken me the most Fiona
Fiona: Me, why?
Steve: Because you prefer him to me
Jim: And what's so bad about that? Has it ever occurred to you that I am more mature than you are and am much more capable of taking care of little wee Morgan
Fiona: Your dad's right Steve (Morgan starts to cry)
Jim: I'll bring him up, come on Morgan (Exit Jim)
Steve: Please Fiona listen to me. I want you. I love you. I need you. Please tell me you feel the same
Fiona: I don't know Steve, I'll have to think about it
Cast List
Ken Barlow
Mike Baldwin
Deirdre Rachid
Blanche Hunt
Percy Sugden
Emily Bishop
Norris Cole
Bet Lynch
Raquel Watts
Natalie Barnes
Vera Duckworth
Les Battersby
Janice Battersby
Greg Kelly
Audrey Roberts
Alf Roberts
Kevin Webster
Sally Webster
Curly Watts
Roy Cropper
Rita Sullivan
Mavis Wilton
Des Barnes
Derek Wilton
Betty Williams
Hayley Cropper
Jim McDonald
Reg Holdsworth
Maud Grimes
Fred Elliott
Gary Mallett
Judy Mallett
Hilda Ogden
Stan Ogden
Linda Sykes
Fiona Middleton
Steve McDonald